My EDGE Project!

So you guys! I had this really cool opportunity to volunteer at the SUU Head Start for my EDGE (Education Designed to Give Experience) project. Each SUU student has to do one of these projects for a graduation requirement. It sounded like such a daunting task when I was a freshmen, but I really have liked the experience this has given me!
I chose this project because I believe it allowed me to get experience working with children and their families in all situations, to gain experience in preparing for and teaching a preschool class, to apply what I have learned in my college courses in a real life situation, and allowed the children to get the exposure of different teaching styles and teacher personalities. I think this opportunity has been and will continue to be very beneficial for my future because I am a stay at home mom and I plan on teaching and preparing him, as well as my other children, for school and life. When my children reach the appropriate age I would like to open a preschool from my own home.  I was able to attend the Head Start once per week for 3 hours. While I was there I was expected to interact with the children and help the teachers/staff in any way needed. I also had the opportunity to teach twice for the day within my time there, as well as be in charge of an activity and a circle time. 

Teaching days:
For my two teaching days, I went over the letters of the week with the kids, read them stories, sang a lot of fun songs, talked about listening, and taught them about different community helpers. I wasn't able to take any picture though because of the Head Start policy, so that was a bummer. I loved teaching though! It really allowed me to step out of my comfort zone and grow. 

Circle time: 

In the morning the kids gather on the rug and do things like weather, calendar, and things like that. I started off with the Good Morning song and then did Shake Your Sillies Out to help the kids get their wiggles out. I then did calendar and weather and read Pete the Cat and His Four Groovy Buttons. After I read the book we talked about the colors and the math that was involved. This was way fun, but since it was my first experience being the teacher at the Head Start, I was really nervous! 

Activity:
For my activity I explored working with different materials to make art. I did this by making ducks out of paper plates, construction paper, and googly eyes. I also review the letter Q with the kids.

I really enjoyed this activity with the kids and it seemed they did too! I loved seeing their interest and creativity come alive. One of the students actually went and collected some feathers and other materials from the art center and pasted them on her duck.

I really had a fun time watching the kids get creative, they are just so cute! Here are some pictures of the cute ducks the that they made!

I had a lot of fun working at the Head Start. I loved getting to know the cute kids there and watching them grow and learn throughout my time there. I hope that I can have other experiences like this, and even open my own preschool one day. I can only hope that I affected those kids' lives as much as they affected mine (: 

My Journey!

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I would hold my sweet baby nieces and nephews and imagine the day I would be holding my own baby! It would be pure bliss indeed! 

Fast forward to when I got married. Brance knew from the start my love for babies and my strong desire to become a mother. We often discussed when we would start our family! By no surprise I was eager for that baby! Yes, we were both still in school and working starter jobs but we could definitely make it work.... Just give me a baby!!!! However, Brance is more logical and knew it just wasn't time yet!

After an amazing year together we decided to try for a little one! I was ecstatic to see that little plus sign that next month. That feeling quickly faded though, when I went to the E.R. and was told I was having a miscarriage. My worst nightmare was coming true. We were devastated, as you can imagine! We became a stronger couple because of this experience and quickly decided to try again when able. A few months later I found myself pregnant again! We prayed and prayed this little one would make it. When we went to the first ultrasound and saw that little heart beat our own hearts we filled with joy! We made it through the first trimester (me being sicker than a dog, but grateful for that sign that the baby was thriving!) the rest of the pregnancy went smoothly and 9 months later at 12:18pm our sweet baby boy entered this world. The birth was absolutely amazing and everything we could have asked for! 

...SSSOOO then we lived happily ever after, right??

Not so fast! Upon bringing my sweet baby home I quickly realized I wasn't feeling myself. I blamed it on the lack of sleep, my screaming babe, and the whole adjustment to motherhood. It became worse as time went on and I often felt it would never end. All I wanted was to be back in SLC where I grew up. With those who knew me best. Who I felt comfortable with. I often didn't feel good enough for my husband or my baby. I was miserable. I was angry! My whole life I wanted this! I wanted something so good! I longed for it. So why was it so hard?? Why was I going through this?? I remember a specific time when my husband had gone to campus to study and I was at home with the baby. He wouldn't stop crying. I was crying. I remember thinking that I couldn't possibly do this. Which started the negative self talk downward spiral. I called my husband in tears, baby screaming in the background, telling him he needed to come home and pleading with him to tell me why this was happening to me. I cannot explain to you how hard this was for me. 

At my postpartum appointment, while talking with my midwife about these events and how I was feeling, we discovered I was suffering from Postpartum Depression (PPD). Honestly, I felt ashamed and disappointed in myself. That wasn't me... That's never been me! So why!? Would this happen every time I had a baby?? What was I going to do!? She prescribed me some anti depressants, gave me some encouraging words and off we went to fight. I felt better but was still felt like I was on a roller coaster of emotions! About 2 months passed and I felt better so I stopped taking the medicine. Although I was still up and done but fought it with all my might!! I soon made some other mom friends and got into my grove when my baby was a bout 6 months! Though those thoughts and feelings kept happening I tried to ignore them. I pushed them aside but I knew, as well as my husband, that I wasn't myself. I was snappy, moody, irritable, and sad. No matter how hard I tried, I felt it would never end! But remember! I was ashamed and felt I would just be judged and looked down on so I didn't want to talk to anyone. Finally, I told my husband that it was still a daily battle for me and I hated it. He was great at encouraging me and giving me hope so I thrived on that!  One day we were standing in the kitchen, my little one about 8 or 9 months now, I told him that I think I need to talk to the doctor about it. He hugged me and of course I started to cry. He told me there is nothing to be ashamed of and that he loved me. But I still felt so embarrassed and disappointed. I just wanted to be back to my normal self, before baby! I hated those thoughts though because  I wanted a baby so bad and I love my little boy with all that I have. It's been about a month since then. I haven't talked to my doctor. I'm not sure what happened but I have been feeling so much better. Perhaps it's that I have an awesome mom friend that I hang out with often. Or that we get out of the house and play outside. Maybe it's because I'm excited about my newly found hobbies or starting up school again! It's probably all those things actually. I couldn't be more grateful for them. 

*now I don't recommend just "toughing it out" there are resources and help available for those of us who struggle. It does not make you weak to seek them out!* 

So my message to those who are struggling or have struggled with PPD or any mental illness. There is a whole community that can relate. There is help out there! Although you may feel you are in the deepest darkest hole and don't even see a speck of light at the end, I invite you to hold on to mine. I was there once. I know how dark, cold, and lonely it is! Trust me! I really do. But here I am. Emerging from that place and into the light! So please, if you can't see it. Hold onto mine! Please! Please! I beg you to know that it does not define you! You are bigger than whatever demon is pulling you down. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are courageous and you can beat this! You are not alone. You are so loved. So valuable. So precious. 

"Don't you give up. Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead....trust God and believe in good things to come!" 

-Jeffery R. Holland

McKelle + Garrett

My cute sister in law and her other half got married this past Saturday (June 4)! I am so incredibly happy for her! We had such a fun filled day celebrating and take lots of pics! .... Oh and sweating bullets (it got up to 108 😱)! It was fun though! We took awesome pics at the temple, enjoyed a yummy lunch, and then danced the night away at the reception! 

It was a beautiful day and McKelle looked so beautiful! I know they will make each other very happy and have many great adventures together! ❤️ so glad we were able to be a part of such a special day! 💍👰🏼

Congrats Saidge!

So many graduations....

My little bro graduated high school! It was rough... To say the least! I don't know why I had such a hard time... Maybe because I knew it meant that saying goodbye for 2 years was that much closer. I just can't believe he is that old! 

I am extremely happy for him though! There are many amazing things that are headed his way! 

Love you tons Saidge!!CONGRATS!!!

🎓🎈🎉🙈❤️ 

Congrats Caden!!

My awesome brother in law graduated high school and I'm so happy for him!(: I know he has so many great things ahead of him and I can't wait to watch him learn and grow in his experiences! 

Congrats Cade!! 💪🏽👍🏼😎🎓

Bachelorette Madness!

My sisters cute friends out on such a fun bachelorette party for her in Park City! I am so glad I was able to go! It was my first time away from my little boy over night but he had so much fun with his daddy! 

Chass didn't know I was coming so it was so fun to surprise her! When she got to the condo I was hiding in one of the showers and when she came in I total surprised her! She was not expecting me to be there at all so it was perfect!(: 

We had such a fun night! We went out to eat, came back to the condo, Chass got a facial and we all got our eyebrows waxed while watching Say Yes to the Dress. The next day more of her friend showed up and we played some games, got ready, and went out! It was so fun dancing with all the girls and being crazy! 

I am so so happy that I was able to have a weekend away and celebrate with my cute sister! Only a few short weeks until the wedding! 💍

I was awarded the flirt! 😂🙄 oh geez! Haha. 

Congrats Brance!

We got through finals! \(*0*)/ we passed all our classes and Brance graduated!! I don't think it's really hit him yet, but he is so happy to be done! 

We had so much fun celebrating this accomplishment (: it was a crazy day for us indeed! We moved our new couch into our apartment, went to his graduation, celebrated at Chili's with some family & friends, and then played some games at our place. It was a fun filled day indeed!

CONGRATS BRANCE! You now have your Bachelors in Computer Science!! 

I'm so proud of all you have accomplished and all that is in store for you! 

Love you so much! ❤️

History Repeats Itself

This is something that I have struggled with my whole life. I am currently in a similar situation. Brought on by different circumstances but I have been having these same thoughts and feelings. It has been destroying my happiness and affecting my little family. I just hope I can get better at this concept and teach Eli and my other future children the importance of staying present. I wrote this 2 years ago, but boy does it still ring true for me now! I am grateful I wrote this and can read back on it, I pray that it can bring hope for you too.

                                   

“Get Out of Your Head and Live Your Life”

March 24, 2014

I am taking a Marriage and Family relations class this semester and am learning so much! Today we talked about emotional communication. In part of our discussion we talked about repairing relationships after we may have hurt someone we love. We talked about being accountable and responsible as well as forgiving. Forgive yourself to forgive others. Embrace your own humanity so we can relate to others with openness and kindness. Don’t let your own guilt get in the way. These were all points that were made. Now! Before VERY recently I struggled with this in my life. I wasn’t forgiving myself for past mistakes therefore I wasn’t forgiving others, I wasn’t realizing that those people are human too and if I wanted forgiveness I needed to forgive them, relate to the mistakes made, and be kind. I was letting my guilt get in the way! I couldn’t help but realize this connection in class.  Later, we discussed simple ways to stay present such as; Stay in the room-what do you notice around you?, check in with your body-reconnect your body in the present, focus on your breath-take 10 breaths, stay differentiated- YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS!!! Now last night I had a wonderful experience and talk with my amazing husband and some of the same things that were discussed in class today were the same things we discussed last night.

I kept applying it to one thing…THE ATONEMENT! I realized (with some help) that the last part of receiving this INFINITE gift is forgiveness on our part. After going through all the necessary steps of repentance, we must forgive ourselves and forgive others. This is probably the hardest part. I wasn’t feeling the forgiveness that I was free or forgiven by my Heavenly Father and Savior because I guess I didn’t believe I deserved it. That was a lie! I had all these thoughts in my head, all this anger, these “what if’s” and it was KILLING me. Literally ripping me apart! I felt like I wasn’t forgiven of these past mistakes because I wasn’t feeling that I was. Well, after a night full of a great husband listening and helping me I finally got it! I finally realized why I wasn’t feeling the forgiveness that I so desperately wanted! It was simply because I wasn’t forgiving myself! I was letting those “what if’s”, anger, guilt and shame fill my very being. The Lord wants nothing more for his children to be happy. to feel free. He is often more merciful than we are upon ourselves. we must forgive ourselves to free ourselves from unnecessary guilt. We must let it go!

YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS!!! When my professor said this I realized how true it is!! “We are not our thoughts” he says “That would be awful. What we sometimes think is not the person we are. Everyone has thoughts that come into our minds because we are human. We all have some strange thoughts sometimes but that is not who we are” That really hit me and I felt the strength of that truth. Now, of course if we are not careful and entertain some thoughts we get, then they can turn into words and actions but the whole point of this was to get out of our heads. Not punish ourselves for what may pop up but when they do to just come back to the present and not live inside your head. At least that’s what I got. The last point made before class ended was, notice your thoughts and let them go- Leaves on a stream. So when thoughts of unworthiness or thoughts that I know are not from God come into my mind I notice them but let them go. “Yeah I have made mistakes and I am not proud of it but that’s not who I am anymore.”

I think people tend to over exaggerate things and make up scenarios in their head that aren’t real...GUILTY... Some people may let thoughts grow and be entertained and all it brings is unhappiness...GUILTY AGAIN... I, as every other human alive, am imperfect. I make mistakes. I have sinned. I have felt regret, shame, guilt, and anger, for myself and towards others. BUT! the amazing thing is that my Savior, Jesus Christ has sunk below all things therefore I need not linger in the past. I am learning the power of forgiveness right now in my life. I am learning how to forgive myself and how to forgive others, to not hold on to my past mistakes or others past mistakes. It is definitely not easy but I can already feel the change in my life, the happiness that comes.

God is so good! I am so grateful for that tender mercy that I received today. I am so grateful that I was able to learn and expand on this truth in one of my college classes. I never thought that I would learn something so powerful or be able to relate what I was learning in one of my college classes to gospel principles. I see the Lords hand in my life and feel His immense love! What I received today was an answer to my prayers and that answer came for going to class today. Prayers are truly answered in the most unexpected ways. We are not alone and God will go to unmeasurable circumstances to make sure we know that! <3

                                       

End of Semester Madness

So it is the end of the semester!! AAAHH!! This is Brance's last semester of college! So awesome! He is definitely ready to be done. It is crazy for us though, so many projects, papers, last minute assignments, and studying for finals. ... Well for me anyway. Brance has a few but since he only has two this semester it's not too bad. We are stressing and burnt out. I just want to share a couple of the projects we have been working on this semester.

Aspen

Interactive Bulletin Board:
Here is a link to my YouTube demonstration.
This project was super fun and with the help of my genius husband, it turned out to be a success. Brance gave me the idea and I just took off with it. It was so much fun! (:

Virtual Field Trip:
We had to choose a place in our community to take "the kids"
I chose the Cedar City Library. It was so fun and I think I am going to take Eli to those awesome events in the summer! YAY LIBRARIES!

WOYC: Week of The Young Child
Okay! If you don't already know about Week of The Young Child, it is a nation wide event. For a whole week there are really awesome, fun, educational activities just for young children. It is promoting the fact that the early years really do count! SO IMPORTANT!!! 

For one of my classes we split into groups and were placed on campus to set up a table with some activities of STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, ART, and Math) My contribution was Shake-it-Up paints (I got this idea off of Pinterest) A great way for kids to learn about color mixing and enjoy some art! There is a big debate about whether art should be involved in schools or not (STEM vs STEAM) .... I'm not even going to get into it here. I just have one thing to say....ART IS IMPORTANT PEOPLE!!! ;)



Brance - These aren't all for school but they are still really awesome!

Cyber Defense Competition
If you didn't already know, Brance is an awesome hacker ;) He was on the SUU Hacking team and they placed 1st in  the Regional competition and 7th in Nationals! IMPRESSIVE!!
















Yahoo!
There was also this time when Yahoo! was offering a $6,000 to anyone who could hack their new security system (this is common for sites like this to do because they want to test it out on real life hackers) Brance worked on this with one of his awesome hacking friends, Josh, and they actually cracked it ONCE!! They couldn't get it to work all the time though so they didn't win the cash, but how cool is that!?!?!?

"Project Satellite" (the code name, real name will be revealed when it is completed...stay tuned)
Right now he and some of his other really awesome programming friends are getting together to build a tool that displays stats for Halo players. It is still in the works, but believe me when I say it is going to be awesome...trust me...I've seen it (;

JOB
Not to mention that Brance does crazy awesome stuff for his work all day everyday! He's made massive changes to their website that are super awesome....and in case I haven't said it enough...its AWESOME (; He is such a hard worker! <3

As you can see we have been really busy! Brance has had an awesome college career! We can't wait for him to graduate and see what else life has in store for him. He will do great things...after all, he already has!!

WISH US LUCK WITH FINALS!!

Flash Back!!!

So in my first post I shared a link to one of the blogs that I have created in the past. Looking over it and reading my posts back then is pretty cool! I read this one that I wrote not too long after I got married. So funny that I still have these feelings sometimes and its been 2 1/2 years! I should really listen to myself....

Enjoy this flashback! 

Two Hearts, Two 

Lives, One Love

March 29, 2014

Being married is such a great way to learn. I have been so humbled as I have been married. There are things that I thought I was good or that I thought I knew and it turns out that I really don’t have a clue. There are things that I assumed every marriage is like and I have been completely wrong. I am just so grateful to have a loving and patient husband and Heavenly Father who understands and helps me learn. I know that there are plenty of lessons to be learned and boy am I glad I have a long time to learn them and to progress. I have learned that it is okay to be two separate people. I sometimes forget that we are two separate people who need to do our separate things. I used to think we needed to and expected to do everything together and that I couldn’t do what I have loved doing my whole life anymore. That sounds completely ridiculous when I say it out loud but that is what I truly thought. I sort of hated when my husband would play video games or just want to ride his freebord. I would get so upset because I hated that those things were taking away time from us and thought they meant more to him then me sometimes. Now of course that is not true! I thought that when your married you had to dedicate every waking moment to your spouse and forget about the things you used to do, boy was i relieved when i found out that wasn’t true! One day it all accumulated and I got frustrated and pretty upset because I felt/thought I could not longer do some of the things I have always done and I was missing those things, I felt I was loosing who I was and who I loved being and I just wasn’t happy. After a few great talks with my husband and Heavenly Father I have realized that I have been completely wrong and a little silly for thinking those things in the first place. I don’t have to get upset when my husband just needs to veg and play video games or go out and ride his freebord. I don’t have to feel like I can’t listen to or do certain things anymore. After all it’s two lives coming together. we’ve grown up in completely different situations. Our ways of relaxing or “vegging out” are completely different. We think differently and enjoy different things while still enjoying similar things and that is totally okay. It doesn’t mean we don’t want to spend time together or don’t love one another we can still do what we love to do and be our own person while still being one.

When I got married and pretty much my whole life, I have always had this fairy tale image of what marriage/love was supposed to be like, (Thank you romance and Disney princess movies/books….GEEZ!) but the truth is, we make our own fairy tale and the Disney/romance movies/books are just that, MOVIES/BOOKS. Of course their situations and life’s are always going to be perfect because well, its not real. Sometimes it is hard to believe but a good marriage and lasting love come with hard work and dedication. It doesn’t always just happen. I wouldn’t change a thing about how beautiful that is. I am so glad that I get to learn, grow, put in the hard work and dedication with my husband to make our family strong! There is no better gift than marriage! I am so grateful for it. I am so grateful for my loving and understanding husband who doesn’t laugh at me or think I’m crazy for the way I think sometimes. I am so very grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with such a wonderful man and blessing us for the wonderful sealing power so we can be together for time and ALL eternity! With all my friends and so many people my age going on missions I often feel like maybe I should have gone. That could have been the plan for me but it was either get married or go on a mission. My love for Brance consumed me every waking moment and even in my dreams. I know I was supposed to marry him and I couldn’t risk loosing him to someone else. Everything just worked out so perfectly from how we met to when we got married to where we are now. Our whole relationship so far has been filled with this light, tenderness, and love that I cannot begin to explain. There will be other chances for me to serve the Lord and perhaps the biggest way I can do that is within my own family and community. I know those thoughts are not from God because when I look back everything just worked out so perfectly and mine and Brances relationship is something quite special! I will be forever grateful to my loving Heavenly Father for blessing me with such an incredible husband! I cannot wait to see what lies ahead for us!

                                           

Blog number.......I lost count!

Okay. So this is like the 4th blog that I have created... https://nothingquitelikeus.wordpress.com/ as you can see from this blog...I am not very good at keeping up with these things. BUT I am really going to try this time! Hopefully it will work out because I think having a family blog would be so cool! It's like an online journal! \(*0*)/

SO! I want to do a few things here:

1. Rose, Bud, Thorn

So I recently went to an amazing presentation called Mindfulness, Love & Relationships. At this specific presentation, Kristen Race talked about how to thrive not just survive. She gave many suggestions about ways to accomplish this. One of my favorites was the "game" Rose, Bud, Thorn that she plays with her kids every day. Rose is a good experience, thorn is a mistake you learned from, and bud is an act of kindness you observed or initiated. I LOVED this idea. I hope to be able to share these on our blog daily...but lets be honest, it probably wont be daily at fist. Just be patient with me as I get better at this blog thing (:

2. Family fun

We are really looking forward to the adventures coming are way, especially this summer. I hope to share those here as well.

3. Randomness

There will be a good share of randomness on here. From wacky pics to some deep stuff. ENJOY!

So yeah! There are a lot of things that I hope to put up on this family blog. As the days pass and adventure takes place, I hope to create this online journal. So come along, be a part of this adventure - laugh with us! cry with us! welcome new life with us!

LETS DO THIS THING!!